Back in the Saddle

Yesterday I finally got back on my horse!!! Only for 10 minutes, and he was a bit of a jerk, but it was still awesome.

Last week I got cleared for work. My prolapsed cervix is back where it belongs but I still have some swelling internally. It will clear all in good time. I was not cleared for other fun things so maybe I shouldn't have been on a horse but whatever. My stepdad was shocked I waited this long. He though I'd be on Twister in the stall long before now. Mom tried to explain the carnage that had to heal and how she gets that even though I always am back on a horse before I should be, I wasn't this time.

I'm both dreading and looking forward to going to work. SO suggested I take another month off. So did Mom. But I miss work. I love my job. So it's not like I'm just going back for the paycheck. I love the people I work with and I love the job I do. Not to mention, after weeks and weeks of hardly any adult interactions and talking only to Sianna and the animals, I'm going  a bit crazy.

I feel bad for looking forward to work. I feel like as much as I love and want to be a mommy that I should want to be a stay at home mom. And I still mostly will be. I barely get in 30 hours in TWO weeks. It's not like I'm a cooperate powerhouse.

Mom is coming next week to stay with Sianna while I go back. She won't bottle feed anymore and for a while we were giving her a bottle once every couple of days and she just up and decided the nini is better, screw the bottle. So Mom will have to work on that with her before M babysits. I don't want her stuck with a hungry screaming baby that won't bottle feed......

7 weeks old!

I finally got my pump last week as well. I've been pumping like crazy trying to have enough stored. Freaking insurance company sent me to a company that doesn't even take my insurance and the company took FIVE FREAKING WEEKS to tell me they didn't. It's an incredibly cheap pump. It loses suction if you try and double pump so I can only do one side at a time which is super annoying and will make pumping at work really hard. My 15s will probably turn into 20s at the very least.

Sianna isn't an easy baby either. She's fussy a lot of the time. She gets colicky. She can go from happy smiling baby to screaming red angry  baby in a blink. But I've been reading, as I always do, and some babies just have a harder time adjusting to life outside the womb. And by 3-4 months they become more agreeable. I'm hoping this is the case. Also, some babies have what is referred to as "intense personalities". These babies have big personalities but are too small for them. I think both of these describe Sianna. Things will get better as she grows.

best buds!

She's a great sleeper though. She will sleep 6-9 hours a night easily. I almost never have to feed in the middle of the night anymore. This means she eats every hour or two during the day but that's okay. I prefer sleep.

I also need to lose some more weight. It's been almost 2 months and I haven't lost a pound in over a month. I don't like the way I look. I'm setting realistic goals. I'd need to lose 25 to be back to my pre-pregnancy weight. But if I lost 15 and got within 10lbs I'd look a lot better and feel better and fit in most of my old clothes. Hopefully I can figure out a way to ride once or twice a week at least because that will help too.... all the sweating and core and leg work! Being back at work will help some too but not enough. I wish it was cooler and Sianna liked the stroller more because I would be power walking my ass off. Literally.