Observations

I'm in my 3rd trimester now. I've gathered many observations about pregnancy.....

Being pregnant must be how fat dudes feel.... you can't see your private parts, but you know they're there anyways.

Braxton-Hicks can occur any time. Especially after lunch break when you do squats while shelving books. Most inconvenient.

Heartburn can occur from any foods. Or no foods at all.

Scrunching up to try and pooh makes you have heartburn. Everything is so squishy in there.

Don't feed the fetus sugar after 8pm. She will keep you up kicking for hours.o

The bladder is made to be a pillow. But also sometimes is headbutted over and over until you pee a little.

You have 2 levels: Don't have to pee. GOING TO PEE MY PANTS IF I DON'T GO RIGHT NOW.

Laying down effectively makes you a beached whale. You can't sit up. You can't get from one side to the other easily.

Lady-scaping is a thing of the past.

You want to be intimate with your SO but it might give you B-H and make you sore for a while. Also, you have to get really creative. Belly is large. Belly gets in the way of everything. Hell, I can barely get my shoes on and off.

Bending over does not happen. It makes everything want to come back up.

Don't sneeze. No, seriously. Don't.

Everyone is going to tell you exactly how your labor will go. Telling them you plan to do a natural, drug-free labor because you believe in your body is like talking to several brick walls.


I'm sure there will be a follow up to this. Stay tuned.