From 2-4 months she slept 5-8 hours a night. After the 4 month mark we have been up 3-8 times a night every night. Her lack of sleep was making me a miserable person and creating problems in the relationship. She had to sleep.
Firstly, I don't believe sleep training should even be a though before the baby is mental ready for it. For most babies I'm going to say this is 8+ months. SJ was probably ready a month ago but we just started. I don't care if you hate me for saying this, but I HATE hearing mothers who are "sleep training" their newborns. STOP THAT. Newborns don't even have a nervous system t hat had adjusted to life outside the womb but let's have them lay their and cry their brains out. They don't learn to self soothe. They just cry until they are too tired and worn out and then fall asleep. It's cruel. Tiny babies have needs. Yes, they can't fall asleep without being rocked or held, but that's what they've been given for 9 months!
Imagine if you will ladies, how well you sleep when your SO isn't around? I know I sleep like crap when he goes anywhere over night. I am so used to sleeping close to him. So why should we act like it's a horrible thing for our babies to be the same way?
And too much changes during their first several months. Teething and growth spurts and colic. There is no point trying to ST. Your baby is going to need your comfort, whether it's being rocked or nursed. So give it to them. THEY ARE ONLY LITTLE ONCE!
Secondly, try every single other method before you let them cry. I did with Sianna. For weeks we pushed naps back so she wouldn't be napping too close to bed time. We moved bed time back so she wouldn't be going to bed overtired. We cluster fed at night and I offered her my nini as much as possible during the day, trying to pack on daytime calories. She is a stubborn and incredibly smart little girl that knew as long as she asked for it, I'd shove a boob in her face all night long.
We even tried to co-sleep but ironically the girl that loves to fall asleep near me wanted no part of co-sleeping, though we tried and tried.....
Lastly, no matter what method you use, you trust your gut and you go get your baby if you feel like you need to. Everyone says "don't go in there!" "be strong!" "don't give in" "don't let her win!" but that's bullshit. It's been one whole week since we started ST and when SJ gets too worked up I go in whether it's been 1 hour or 15 minutes. I go in and I rock her and nurse her and settle her. I've gone to sleep when I've cried violently for a long time. I think everyone has. Maybe it was a break up or someone died or having a bad day, but you never sleep as well. You wake up feeling exhausted. So go in there and settle your baby. You know your baby's cries. Don't let her cry herself out just because everyone says to. In 1 week, SJ has done excellent. And I rock her and nurse her and settle her. It's not giving in, it's listening to her needs.
So here's the deal. A week ago yesterday I was up the whole night. Literally EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. I put SJ in her bed she was up again instantly. I was up most of the night. Around 4 am SO said put her in her room with white noise and come to bed. I did. She naps in her own room in her crib with white noise every single day. That room is comfortable and familiar to her. After 30 minutes of crying she fell asleep. She woke 2 or 3 times and went back to sleep faster each time. She woke up for the day at 8am.
Once we had started I figured we'd go on with it. Saturday I put her in her bed about 9pm. Everyone and every book says to do an early consistent bed time. Well with my current work schedule, 9-930pm will have to be good enough. She cried on and off for an hour, sometimes talking and playing with her stuffed doggy. At the end of the hour she worked herself up so bad that I had to go in. I rocked her and nursed her and calmed her down and put her back in bed. She cried another 40 minutes or so and slept for the next 4.5 hours.
Right now I am completely happy to feed her twice a night, never closer than 4 hours apart though. I don't mind and even though everyone will tell you they can make it 12 hours without a meal, I'll tell you this... I CAN'T EVEN GO 12 HOURS WITHOUT A MEAL AT NIGHT!!!!! And I've been known to get up in the middle of the night and have some cereal or a granola bar. Not just while pregnant or nursing either. But way back before that too! In the next month I'll probably cut her back to once a night. But for now I'm letting it be.
The 3rd night she went down talked and played for 15 minutes and was out. Woke up twice to feed and slept until 8.
The 4th, 5th and 6th nights she went right to bed like a pro. No crying during the night. Up twice to feed, going longer between feeds.
Last night and tonight we are back to crying. Our naps have sucked too. Partly because Dada won't let her cry a bit. I keep telling him half the time she's faking it. But dadas are push overs. Also, part of this is due to teething. And because she won't nap well she is overtired and then won't fall asleep well.
I have hope that this will pass and she well start going right to sleep again.
I just got back from nursing and calming her. She's crying now, but it's half-hearted. I'm hoping she calms down and goes to sleep. It's been one hell of a week and Mamma's nerves are frayed.
Another thought is, I will not be a mom who is anchored to my baby's sleep schedule. Hell, we hardly have one. We are flexible. I don't put her down for a nap because it's Noon, I put her down for a nap because I read her sleep cues. Sometimes it's earlier, sometimes later. Same with bedtime. And I won't not go on an outing with the family because heaven forbid I'm not back by 9 to get her in bed. No way. She can nap in the car and go to bed a bit late. So far so good on all this too. We have a crazy life filled with racehorses and restaurants. We go out to dinner as a family at 7pm some nights and sometimes we race late. But we'll be there for all of that.
My biggest question right now is how to I wean her off white noise???? But seeing as we are still crying some times I guess we'll leave that for another day. We'll do it when we do it.
